Be Careful What You Wish For

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I am recently married.

I have less than 2 years under my belt in the art of ‘co-creating the self.’ This is the unofficial title I give marriage  because I feel it is the single greatest experiment in which you get to create and test yourself in order to learn how to completely accept someone else. Marriage’s purpose, to me, is to become a master at unconditional love, co-creating new realities with your spouse and child rearing.

It may appear avant-garde to call marriage an act of self creation, but I have learned more about who/what has shaped me in the past 2 years, than I have known my whole life. I have learned I am an amalgamation of choices to emulate, adopt and adapt mental habits that may or may not serve my chosen purpose. More importantly, I have learned to make new choices that better support my decided purpose.

I have learned that both hurt and healing can come from someone you will gladly give your life for. I have learned they are both two sides to the same coin. I have learned that I have scolded and held my wife in contempt for lack of perfection, fearing my imperfection would be revealed, just to finally realize that a perfect wife would make me look even more imperfect anyhow.

I have been confused and I have been crystal clear. I have been both profound and a bumbling idiot in the same sentence. I have learned myself and gained a wife. I have ignored myself and lost a best friend. I have committed acts and have been the receiver of acts so shaming they will never be spoken outside of hushed tones between my wife and I.

I have been blessed. Not for times good or bad, because it is my decisions that make them so and my blind faith in ideas that have not served me well that perpetuate thoughts of judgement. I am blessed because I did something on December 22nd 2012 that defied all logic and reasoning (because marriage does not make sense on paper) in saying, “yes.”

I decided to give myself to another human and submit to an audit of the truth of who I am, and another person trusted me enough to do the same. That’s incredible. I do more than love my wife, I am being my wife and she is being me.

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